Williamizing: Episode 1–The Comedie of the Freshe Prince of Belaire

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce a blogseries I am starting, called “Williamizing”. Basically, I will take popular stuff and turn it into a Shakespeare play. I’m stoked like a bonfire.

Williamizing

By Rameez M Virji

 

THE COMEDIE OF THE FRESHE PRINCE OF BELAIRE

By William Shakespeare

 

ACT I

Scene i

A Chair

 

Enter Willard, on Chair, accompanied by Lord, Duchess, and Torchbearers.

LORD: Sir, what be thy story?

WILLARD: I shall tell it now.

This is the histoire, telling of how

My life ’twas returned complete round.

‘Twas flipped.

LORD: Flipped, sir!

WILLARD: Thy tongue be still, friend.

I shall taketh but one minute of time.

Sit thee down, there.

I shall recount how I came to be Here

As the Prince of Belaire.

LORD: Do tell, sir!

WILLARD: ‘Twas in the Western Lands of Phil’delphe

Bourne, and so rais’d, was I.

In the ground where childfolk frolicke,

Was’t the very location where I spent a surplus

Of my days as a Man.

I was cool’d and maximizing and once again lax’d,

By my sword, cooly, to say.

And I was to be seen shooting the willyball

Upon the outskirts of my damn’d lycee.

LORD: Then, sir?

WILLARD: Silence, pray, I shall tell thee.

Upon that day, a duet of vagabonds,

Who, as I know, were up to some mischieving,

Had begun to wreak havoc upon my county.

LORD: ‘Tis untruthful, sir!

WILLARD: ‘Tis truthful, and truthfully so, dear lord.

Friend, speak not. ‘Tis my avenue to continue.

LORD: Apology! Apology!

WILLARD: Upon thy head!

Indeed, ’twas upon my head, I chanced quarrel.

‘Twas horrendous, I say.

Good Mother, Duchess, thou was’t there

That bloody Sunday.

What said thou?

DUCHESS: If I remember well, good son Willard,

I had imparted to thee a message,

Which, to my remembrance,

Plead thee to return to thy Uncle, the King,

And thy Aunt, the Queen,

In here these bright lands

Of Belaire.

WILLARD: Indeed. ‘Twas so.

I then called for transport,

And when it approached,

‘Twas my surprise!

The plate on reverse of the carriage,

Curiously, read Fresh, and upon the roof

Hung a pair of gamblers.

LORD: What sense in this…

WILLARD: If anything be said, say ’tisn’t common!

On the contrary, I had cried:

“Yea, Holmes! To Belaire!”

I pulled up to a castle,

Seven or eight seasons following,

And yell’d, to the rider:

“Yea, Holmes!

May our olfactoires meet once more!”

Look’d to my kingdom. At last, it had been,

I was to claim my trhone, as the Prince of Belaire,

And begin my reign.

 

Exeunt.

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October 17, 2010 at 10:39 pm | Posted in: Blog, Funny | No comments

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